Retrogrades, Revolution & Other Reasons To Drink
Your Raw and Unfiltered Guide to What the Actual Fuck is Happening in the Stars this July
"The function of freedom is to free someone else." — Toni Morrison
PROLOGUE: THE COSMIC HANGOVER & THE COMING GLITCH 😵💫⚡
Aaaand exhale! Let's all just take a collective breath and check for bruises. We survived June, a month that felt less like an astrological transit and more like a high-speed pile-up on the celestial freeway directed by a coked-out Michael Bay. It was all jagged edges, shocking headlines, and the kind of existential whiplash that leaves you wondering what year it is. (Still the fucking 2025!).
Between the open glorification of war, the backroom deals, and the general feeling that we were watching the prologue to World War III, it’s a miracle any of us are still standing with our sanity semi-intact.
So what now? Welcome to July. The weird, twitchy, profound afterparty.
If June was the explosive public meltdown, July is the moment the power goes out, forcing everyone to talk by candlelight.
The dominant energy of the month is RETROGRADE.
We’ve got Neptune, Saturn, and the cosmic trickster Mercury himself all deciding to turn around and walk backward, forcing a massive, system-wide re-evaluation of... well, everything. This is the universe hitting CTRL+Z on the bullshit. It’s a time for reflection, revision, and reconnecting with ghosts from the past—old lovers, old jobs, old dreams, old mistakes.
But just as we're settling in for this quiet, introspective inventory, the universe kicks down the door on July 7th: Uranus, the planet of genius, revolution, and total system failure, plugs into Gemini for the first time in over 80 years.
This is the Great Rewiring. The Glitch in the Matrix. It’s an electrifying, and frankly terrifying, seven-year transit that will forever change how we think, talk, and connect.
So that's July: a forced retreat into our hearts and minds, punctuated by lightning strikes of revolutionary genius. It’s like trying to have a deep, meaningful conversation in a library that’s also hosting an illegal rave.
It’s messy, contradictory, and the perfect astrology for right now.
But don't worry, I wouldn't just throw you into the mosh pit without a plan. We're going to break this beautiful disaster down, transit by transit. For each celestial event, I'll give you the inside intel on how it specifically assaults your particular zodiac sign, and more importantly, what your best Krav Maga counter-move is to not just survive the pandemonium, but to use its chaotic energy to your advantage.
July 2025: The Cosmic Cheat Sheet
👽 July 4th: A triple-shot espresso of shocking attractions (Venus conjunct Uranus), flirty new ideas (Venus enters Gemini) & the great cosmic rug-pull (Neptune Rx).
⚡ July 7th: Uranus enters Gemini, and your brain gets a new, chaotic operating system for the next 7 years.
🐐 July 10th: The Capricorn Full Moon shows up with a clipboard and asks to see your receipts.
🚧 July 13th & 18th: Saturn and then Mercury go retrograde, officially turning this month into a cosmic construction site where all the signs are in reverse.
💥 July 22nd & 23rd: The Sun enters Leo with main-character energy, but immediately gets into a petty, passive-aggressive fight with Mars (Venus square Mars).
🦁 July 24th & 25th: The Leo New Moon is a dramatic new beginning that comes with a power-hungry ghost from the underworld (opposite Pluto).
🌊 July 31st: Venus enters Cancer, and we all just want a hug and a bowl of soup.
JULY 4TH: FIREWORKS, FREEDOM & A COSMIC IDENTITY CRISIS 🎆⛓️😵💫
This isn't just America's birthday; it's a triad of transits that kicks off the month's deep, weird vibe. We've got Venus entering Gemini, Venus conjuncting Uranus at a critical 29th degree, and Neptune stationing retrograde in Aries.
This is the energy of being at a party, having a brilliantly witty conversation with a fascinating stranger, and feeling a sudden, electric jolt of attraction that makes you want to rewrite your entire life story.
It’s that Fleabag moment with the Hot Priest—equal parts sacred and profane. But just as you lean in, you look over their shoulder and realize the entire party is a hologram and the world you thought you knew is dissolving behind them.
That’s Neptune going retrograde, baby. It's the great disillusionment. It’s a moment of wanting to connect while simultaneously questioning the very fabric of reality.
On a global scale, expect shocking revelations about our values (Venus) and our collective delusions (Neptune). On a personal scale, you’re on notice: what you desire is about to get a radical, and perhaps confusing, upgrade.
Zodiac Guidance & Sacred Homework
♈ Aries: This trifecta zaps your 3rd House of Communication. A shocking idea or conversation changes everything. You might meet someone who rewires your brain.
Sacred Homework: Write down one "crazy" idea without judging it. Then, notice one beautiful lie you've been telling yourself about your life. What happens if you stop?
♉ Taurus: Your 2nd House of Money & Values gets the jolt. A surprising financial opportunity appears, or you have a sudden epiphany about your self-worth. Sacred Homework: Audit your bank statement. What's one expense that reflects an old, Neptunian fantasy of who you should be? What's one thing you truly value that you're not investing in?
♊ Gemini: This is happening in YOUR 1st House. A total identity glitch. You might change your appearance on a whim or have a shocking realization about who you are. Sacred Homework: Look in the mirror and ask, "Who the fuck are you, really?" Write down three words that describe the "you" that's emerging, not the one you've been performing.
♋ Cancer: It's all going down in your 12th House of the Unconscious. A secret is revealed, a prophetic dream feels realer than reality, or a hidden self-sabotaging pattern comes to light. Sacred Homework: Start a dream journal, even if it's just one line a day. What messages are your depths trying to send you? Pay attention to synchronicities.
♌ Leo: Your 11th House of Community gets electrified. A shocking event happens within your friend group, or a new, unconventional person joins your tribe and changes the whole dynamic. Sacred Homework: Look at your five closest friends. Are they allies for your future or anchors to your past? Be brutally honest.
♍ Virgo: The lightning strikes your 10th House of Career. A sudden promotion, a shocking firing, or an unexpected offer that changes your professional trajectory. Sacred Homework: What is your "safe" 10-year plan? Now, what's your "if I had any fucking guts" 10-year plan? The second one is calling.
♎ Libra: Your whole worldview gets an upgrade. This hits your 9th House of Beliefs & Travel. A sudden trip opportunity, or a piece of information that makes you question everything you thought was true. Sacred Homework: Read a book by someone from a culture completely different from your own. What one core belief are you willing to put on trial?
♏ Scorpio: Welcome to the depths. This is your 8th House of Sex, Debt, and Transformation. A shocking revelation about a partner's finances, or a sudden, intense attraction that feels both terrifying and transformative. Sacred Homework: Identify one fear you have around intimacy or vulnerability. What would happen if you walked toward it instead of away from it?
♐ Sagittarius: Your 7th House of Partnership is the laboratory. An existing relationship needs a jolt of freedom, or a surprising new person who breaks all your rules walks in. Sacred Homework: Ask your partner (or yourself, if single), "What's one rule in relationships we can break that would make us freer?"
♑ Capricorn: Your daily life gets weird. This hits your 6th House of Work & Routines. A sudden change in your job duties, or a revolutionary new health practice appears out of nowhere. Sacred Homework: Look at your daily schedule. What is one "have to" that's crushing your soul? What would happen if you just... didn't do it for one day?
♒ Aquarius: Your 5th House of Joy & Romance is the playground. A shocking new crush, a creative project that comes like a lightning bolt, or a sudden urge to do something purely for the fun of it. Sacred Homework: Do one thing this week that has zero productive value. Something useless and beautiful. See how it feels.
♓ Pisces: The shakeup happens at your roots. This hits your 4th House of Home & Family. A shocking piece of family news, a sudden desire to move, or a memory that reframes your entire past. Sacred Homework: Find a photo from your childhood. What's the story you thought it told? Now, what's the real story?
JULY 7TH: YOUR BRAIN GETS A NEW OPERATING SYSTEM 🧠⚡💻
This is the main event. Uranus, the celestial anarchist and mad scientist, plugs into Gemini. The last time this happened was just about when America joined the World War II, a time of radical new technologies (nuclear power) and fractured global communication.
This is the introduction of the iPhone to a world that only knew flip phones.
It's the start of a seven-year-long rewrite of our collective consciousness. This is the invention of the printing press showing up to tell the scribes and gatekeepers that their monopoly on information is fucking over. It's the telegraph making physical distance irrelevant for the first time in human history. It's the energy of a universal translator suddenly making every language on Earth intelligible to everyone, with all the beautiful and terrifying consequences that implies. It’s the moment telepathy stops being a comic book fantasy and becomes a terrifyingly real possibility. That’s the level of paradigm shift we’re talking about.
Think less "new software update" and more "the moment Neo finally sees the code." The air itself will feel different, crackling with information, ideas, and a fuck-ton of nervous energy.
Globally, this is the age of the info-war, but it's also the age of the leak, the hacktivist, and the citizen journalist. Personally, the house in your chart where Gemini lives is about to become a laboratory for radical experimentation.
Zodiac Guidance & Sacred Homework
♈ Aries: Your 3rd House (Communication) is your new superpower. Your mind is a weapon. Sacred Homework: Learn a new skill just for the hell of it—coding, a new language, how to pick a lock. Train your brain to be agile.
♉ Taurus: Your 2nd House (Money) is the site of the revolution. Your income streams will become weirder and more innovative. Ditch the 9-to-5 mindset. Sacred Homework: Brainstorm three "crazy" ways to make money that have nothing to do with your current job. One of them isn't crazy.
♊ Gemini: This is in YOUR 1st House. You are the revolution. Your identity is a fluid, electric, ongoing experiment. Sacred Homework: For the next seven years, your job is to surprise yourself. Do one thing every month that the "old you" would never have done.
♋ Cancer: Your 12th House (Subconscious) is now wired to the mainframe. Your dreams and intuitions become prophetic. Sacred Homework: Meditate on a problem before you go to sleep. Write down the first thing that comes to you upon waking. Trust your inner weirdo.
♌ Leo: Your 11th House (Community) is where you'll find your freak flag flyers. Your friendships will become more ideological and revolutionary. Sacred Homework: Unfollow everyone who makes you feel small. Join one online group or local club dedicated to a cause you believe in.
♍ Virgo: Your 10th House (Career) is no longer a ladder; it's a lightning rod. Your public path will be unpredictable but brilliant. Sacred Homework: Write a resignation letter to the career you thought you were supposed to have. You don't have to send it. Just write it.
♎ Libra: Your 9th House (Beliefs) is being deconstructed. Travel and foreign ideas will shatter your worldview in the best way. Sacred Homework: Find a documentary that argues a point you fundamentally disagree with. Watch it with an open mind.
♏ Scorpio: Your 8th House (Intimacy) becomes an electric laboratory. You will explore new dimensions of trust, sex, and power. Sacred Homework: Ask yourself: what if vulnerability wasn't a weakness, but a high-voltage current? Explore that.
♐ Sagittarius: Your 7th House (Partnership) is the grand experiment. Relationships will be defined by freedom and intellectual sparks. Sacred Homework: If partnered, invent a new "rule" that involves more freedom. If single, write a dating profile for the person you want to meet in seven years.
♑ Capricorn: Your 6th House (Work/Health) is due for a life-hack. You'll discover genius ways to manage your health and streamline your work. Sacred Homework: Identify your most soul-crushing daily task. Research a technological or unconventional way to eliminate it.
♒ Aquarius: Your 5th House (Creativity/Romance) is where the lightning strikes. Your hobbies and love life will be filled with sudden excitement. Sacred Homework: Start a creative project with no end goal. Just make weird art. Flirt with someone totally unexpected.
♓ Pisces: Your 4th House (Home/Roots) is being rewired. Your definition of family and security will be revolutionized. Sacred Homework: Write a letter to your ancestors. Tell them which of their patterns you are lovingly, but firmly, choosing to break.
JULY 10TH: THE CAPRICORN FULL MOON WANTS TO SEE YOUR RECEIPTS 📋💰😑
After all that electric chaos, the cosmos gets serious. This Full Moon in Capricorn is the stern, sober parent who walks into the messy party, turns down the music, and asks, "So, what's the plan here?" Capricorn is about…
Hey you, my beautiful cosmic weirdo. Thanks for sticking with me this far. I appreciate your precious eyeballs more than you know.
The rest of this feral field manual is where we get into the nitty-gritty. We're breaking down the Capricorn Full Moon, the massive retrograde pile-up, the Leo New Moon drama, and so much more—all with detailed, sign-by-sign guidance and sacred homework to help you surf this beautiful, chaotic month.
This is where the rest of the magic is reserved for my paid subscribers—the absolute legends who keep this whole thing running by buying me a strong Italian coffee each month. For less than the price of a fancy oat milk latte (you can cancel anytime, no weirdness), you get the keys to the kingdom.
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